kids are so cute! new yeared human beings, minature grown ups, kiddoes. whatever you wish to call them, be careful to make sure that it is sweet and innocent, befitting of their enormouse, wide eyed wondering lives. i have the great, life rewarding pleasure (and it truly is a pleasure) of teaching these little ones. it is so awesome for me to see the giant space of life set before them. although i only teach on sunday mornings, these kids have taken my heart and squeezed into it the pure, untainted love that they possess in their own beating hearts. i love ‘em! after church a group of friends will usually go out to eat. one of the little girls in my class and her family were going to eat along with us. she asked her mother if she could ride with me to our point of destination (she didn’t phrase it quite like that). as her mom said yes, a whopping smile grew over that little girls face. we grabbed her car seat from her mom’s car and strapped it into mine. we had some deep talks, yes we did. about vanilla ice cream and tall corn stalks in a passing field, rain drops inside of our flip flops, and dirty feet and toes. her high pitched voice sing songed throughout our lovely little journey. in the midst of our conversation she paused, then said “jayln, do you think you’d like to hang out with me, like…everyday?” i looked in the rear view mirror and saw the expectant smile sprouting upon her face, her big brown eyes held the question like a fragile, hand painted masterpiece. haha, it is an honor to be so highly esteemed in the eyes of a child! of course i replied with a definite yes. she then said “hey, maybe next week we can ride together to dairy queen again!” kids are so worth it. they inflate the heart effortlessly. teaching these kids about God and His ginormous love, shaping caterpillars out of lime green playdough, dancing all around in a kid dance kid of way, making them laugh at stories of camels and camel spit, and helping them step in giant leaps into a Christ centered life…these simple things make life worth the journey. i am reminded to listen and take pleasure in even the slightest comments and gestures from these children….who knew they could teach you so much?
the character of God never ceases to astound me. i stumble and trip and mess up in such ignorant ways. with my head hanging low and my feet scraping the ground, i let the gravitational forces of this earth sink me into the dirt. it seems that is where i should be, right along with the earth worms that are hidden from sight. i dwell in the miseries of the mistake imparted by my own hands into my life. in truth, it is rather agonizing to sit and dwell on these faults. i can remember the times when i was a kid (not that i am claiming to be an adult just yet), my disobedience would be recognized by my father. my heart literally felt like it was falling all the way to the end of my self, touching the bottoms of my feet, hitting with a hollow thud and splashing on the floor. huge, heavy tears would take up residence upon my cheeks as my dad told me to go wait in my room for him to come and punish me. sitting, waiting. it was the worst thing possible. thinking on what i had done to deserve the due punishment. and he’d let me wait. the wait and pondering was worse than the deemed punishment. a hatred of the that fowl, self inflicted blunder would coil its fingers around me, squeezing and squeezing guilt into heart. after my father had imparted the well deserved discipline, he would lift me onto his lap, warn me of the consequences of mistaking again, hug me, and tell me that he loved me just as much now as he did before i had made my error. i can remember thinking to myself, “he shouldn’t love me, just look at what i’ve done!” do you know many of us feel the same way about our Father in heaven? yes. well i do anyway. i stumble and fumble, my heart drops, i gain a small bit of courage to look to heaven, expecting to see disappointment on His face…but then i remember that i am His kid and His love for me is far greater than i could ever imagine. His love is perfect in all ways. and He forgives, He is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. merciful and gracious. and He gives it to me. He upholds all who are falling, He teaches us His ways. and so instead of seeing hatred aimed towards me, He teaches me to repent and leave my mistakes…my mind spins at this astounding Father that i serve.
psalm 103 -
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
also, thanks dad and mom, for teaching me of the grace and mercy of our Perfect God so early in my years…
“The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.” - Vince Lombardi
in this very moment, my mind has been gripped with a single, yet magnificent, bold and numerous realization….as some of you may know (and if you don’t know, you are not a homo sapien), humans mess up. often. oh my, the calculations of my own are far too many to number. as i look back into the earlier years of my life and then slowly step forward day to day, making my way into the present time, the mistakes that i have made stack up rapidly, piling one on another, seemingly as large as a mountain. wow. i have done a lot of things that should have been steps to Godliness, but at those particular moments in time, i foolishly chose a path of disobedience. when i take a step back and look at my mountain of regret, my heart cringes. my gut feels like a tornado composed of shame is tearing it into pieces. i can scarcely look into the mirror, i am sick at what i see. i want to run far away from the extending hand of grace that Jesus possesses. my hope is drowned, attached to a heavy anchor, sinking into the depths of unknown. what can i do to compensate? nothing. there is not a single thing that i could do to repay what i have lost. but then i remember, there is this certain God that i know, my Best Friend, Redeemer, Father…He paid what i can not…
3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared
7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
-psalm 130
truly, He diminished my mountain. He forgave me, separated my mistakes farther than the east is separated from the west. He trashed them, erased them. gone. yes, He really did. it captivates my very being just to think about this mercy and grace that is freely given. i have said all this to iterate the next point, the one that i posed in the very first sentence. the realization. ok….here it is. God still WANTS to know us. even after all the times that we have spit sin into His face, and rejected His ways. He never leaves us. if a mere human being were to know us at our rawest form, unhidden, they would surely dismiss our company. but God….He wants us near Him. after all the damage that our hands have caused, He repairs. He continues searching our thoughts, guiding us, He still pursues us! think about it. here is a psalm. you should really read the entire chapter of 139…i’ll paste the few verses that are hammering inside of my head…
1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
i have a little brother. he is nine and his name is caleb. here are a few fun facts about him: going into the fourth (!) grade, large brown eyes, inquisitive nature, talks ALOT, ate three icecream bars today, likes to acquire new scars and show them as his battle wounds, tough, way too smart for his age, born in montana, watches cartoons with me…yada yada so on…. there are tons of things that i could say, but i will save more for another blog. caleb and i love to make up inventions. we sit and talk for large allotments of time, giggling and rummaging through our most creative brain cells to produce a spectacular new invention! his creativity today was quite impressive and futuristic. we were in my car, just him and i, making our way to the library (we love reading!). all of the sudden he had a spark and his ingenuity in the future of libraries was ignited (haha, he is so cute). he turns to me, tells me of his brilliant ideas, we make improvements, we modify, and then, boom! we have a new upgraded library for all humankind. instead of everyone wasting time and gasoline to actually GO to the library, he is going to create a robotic box that hand delivers whatever book that you choose. keep in mind when choosing a book, you go to a insanely smart computer (designed by him and kept, for your convenience, in the comfort of your own home) and pick from millions and millions of books. he also says that there are to be ten copies of each book. when you finally decide on the book of your choice, the robotic box travels to your home. however, this robotic box will only wait outside of your front door for ten minutes. you snooze you loose. as you go to retrieve your book, you’d better have a library card. now, caleb has really stressed the importance of having one of those golden plastic library passes. if you do not have one, and you’ve already taken your book, a robot will burst out of the robotic book carrying box and snatch the book right from your hands, then it will make a mad dash back to factory from which it came! so that is my little brothers invention of the day. next time i may share our famed “easily accessible food condiment contraption.”
p.s.
this idea is copyrighted - all rights reserved : )